When Excellence Isn’t Enough
Overcoming perfectionism through self-compassion involves leading with kindness, valuing progress over flawlessness, and embracing vulnerability as a strength.
Adam Danyal & Julia Danyal
September 15, 2023
WRITTEN BY: ADAM DANYAL
Nothing lights our path to accomplishment like standards of excellence. Leaders set high bars to reach goals and motivate performance. We admire those single-minded overachievers who let nothing deter them. Or do we?
Here’s the paradox. The passion that drives excellence can tip leaders into the dark waters of perfectionism. Perfectionism seems a noble pursuit, yet it often derails leaders. The seeds of dysfunction hide in this shadow to excellence.
Perfectionists become prisoners of performance. Mistakes and setbacks crush morale, prompting a merciless inner critic. Weakness is failure. Work is life. Being the best means everything until it destabilizes relationships, health, and well-being.
Escaping perfectionism requires rewriting the inner narrative. Perfectionism inflates the ego: “I must be perfect.” It starves the soul: “I’m unworthy if not perfect.” This is the virus leaders must purge.
Antidote one: embrace self-compassion. Treat yourself as you would a valued friend during struggles. Replace harsh self-talk with understanding. Write yourself a compassionate letter of support.
Antidote two: reframe mistakes. View them as essential learning experiences, not condemnations. As the saying goes, "Every failure is a step closer to success." Adopt a growth mindset.
Antidote three: connect with purpose. When external achievement eclipses inner purpose, life loses balance. Reorienting to core values and spiritual foundations rekindles meaning and significance beyond titles and trophies.
Antidote four: celebrate small wins. Perfectionism fixates on the summit. But journeys are comprised of steps. Savor milestones, not just the mountaintop.
The winds of change for leaders caught in perfectionism’s grip start with gentleness toward oneself. With compassion, the inner critic’s harsh voice softens to a whisper. Excellence endures, but perfectionism fades. The fruit is sweeter when we forgive the bruises. Progress, not perfection, is the final summit.
How can you lead with compassion and ditch perfectionism? Let excellence inspire but not imprison you. Set high standards but release attachment to outcomes. Seek growth, not validation. And treat yourself and others with kindness. Achievement matters, but humanity matters more.
From our Leadership Bookshelf:
WRITTEN BY: JULIA DANYAL
Brené Brown's bestselling book “Daring Greatly” offers valuable insights for leaders struggling with perfectionism. Brown, a renowned research professor, explores how embracing vulnerability allows us to let go of unattainable standards and lead with our whole hearts.
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Key takeaways:
1. Perfectionism is a shield against shame and the fear of not measuring up. Brown encourages replacing this armor with the courage to be imperfect.
2. Chasing perfectionism feeds shame and leaves us feeling isolated. Self-compassion counters shame by building connection and shared humanity.
3. Creativity and innovation require risk-taking and occasional failure. But perfectionism thwarts risk, stunting growth. Framing failures as learning fuels growth.
4. Wholehearted living means engaging life fully without perfect performance as a prerequisite. Striving for excellence, not perfection, frees us to be present.
With deep research and compelling examples, Brown explores the power of imperfect, wholehearted leadership. Embracing vulnerability allows excellence to inspire rather than imprison us. Brown calls us to lead with compassion - for ourselves and others - on the shared journey of progress over perfection.